Days 14-16 of Lent: Doors opening and closing

Over the past 3 days my eyes have been open and I have been trying to see the amazing plans God has laid out for me. I guess the inspiration for this blog began with a phone call from my tia on Monday while I was waiting to see the doctor.  She told me, "Little one always remember, when one door closes another one opens."  I told her I wasn't for sure what she meant but, I know God had her tell me that for a reason.

As several doors have been closing, I have been uncertain about why they have been yet,  I have been seeing new doors open and new opportunities coming my way. I may not know what lies behind the doors but, I know with God by my side I cannot worry about what's behind the door and just open it.  With each opportunity, something anew will be starting.  We may not always be able to see however, when the time is right, God will show it to us. The hardest part of letting doors close and new doors open is just the thought of letting go.

Often, we are so impacted by what happens when we open doors we don't know what do when it's time to let those doors close.  A part of you may want to hold on to pieces of the past but, deep down we know, God has sent a person or people into your life to deliver a message or two and you have been given the tools  and instructed needed to progress in life.  Just don't be afraid when the new door opens.  You may never know what God has planned for you.

More importantly, understand this thought.  Nothing in life is an accident.  God has a perfect plan for everything.  Be not afraid and trust in him.  If you're worried about something, give it to God and pray to him about all the things you need to open that new door.  He'll show you everything and provided for you everything you need!

Days 9-13 of Lent: Faith is built on a Rock

I know I haven't blogged in a few days but, I have been able to have a great talk with God to be given the strength and guidance to provide a little overview of what I've been wanting to share with y'all.  Granted I've been a little lost but, between speaking with some amazing individuals and finally learning to trust God, my eyes have been open.  

In life, we're going to face so many struggles and ups and downs.  We cannot let people bring us down and let our spirit be sucked out of us.  No one in this world has the permission to take away something that makes us happy or that can knock us down.  They can only do this if we let them.  

Also through this process I also realized that God has build us on a rock and we can weather any storm.  No storm can knock over any rock because of the firm foundation he has built.  Your faith is so much stronger!! 

Lastly, I have been able to see people's truest colors.  Those who stand by you through your most difficult times are those who are a true friend.  It's interesting to see who remain by your side and who decides to go touting out into the fields. 

At the end of the day, you have to put you faith in God and see where he is leading you and know he is going to show you what is best for you! 

Day 8: Know who you are

As I prepared for the 8th day of Lent's blog, I wasn't for sure what to write about. I kept on thinking how maybe I'm not exactly the best person for providing my own two sense about things however, I realized I cannot give up.  As my tia always tells me "Little one, you can't give up now.  Don't ever give up on something you start, even if you come back to it later."  Thinking about how I almost lost her 7 years ago, I'm searching my heart for the right words and putting my hands in God.

Today I found myself getting back to a new swing of things and spending more time with God.  God's love is so amazing and he's constantly with us all the time.  Sometimes we forget how amazing we are and beautifully unique you are. Regardless of what the world around you might think, feel, or believe, you have to understand God has created you the way he has wanted you to be!

I know I've been walking around like a sad cat unlike the complicated, crazy, hot mess of a Tigger that my mama and adoptive mama have often called me.  A part of me may have wanted to wailer in my own distress but, I guess God didn't want me to hide from a world who called me crazy, psycho and few other names.  There's no one to blame for their misunderstandings and their choosing not to get to see past the surface.  You just have to continue walking tall, with your head held high, and smile on your face because you know who you are.

I say to you, look deep down in your heart.  Know who you are.  Discover the amazing and beautiful person God has created you to be.  Take the time out to tell him thank you for the 1001 blessings that he has presented in your life.  Stop worrying what the world around you believes, thinks, or feels about you.  So what if people don't like you.  The main question is, do you like yourself?

Day 7 of Lent: Forgiveness

I know it's not the end of the day but, while I'm on fire and have God tugging at my heart I wanted to share my word of the day!

As  I was completing my workout today by biking my 2.5 miles, just forgetting about the intensity of weight training and what not, I thought about my morning devotional speaking on the discussion of forgiveness and prayer.  I'll be the first to admit, if anyone saw me up until about 9:30 or so this morning, I looked drained and needed something.  God knows that is true.  I felt emotionally, spiritually, physically, and mentally drained.  I had been holding in all of the chaos and mess of almost 72 hours.

I remembered what I had read during my devotional.  I remember reading about the power of forgiving others and forgiveness.  It's probably the hardest thing for anyone to do or to understand but, it's possible.  Sometimes we find ourselves so drained with trying to figure things out and trying to just find out a way to sort things out.  Often we're blaming ourselves or others for everything.  However, the best possible thing is to learn to forgive.

Many times we're blinded by our own guilt, worry, or other emotions.  Sometimes we don't realize how much harm this is actually doing to us.  The best thing for us to do is to talk to God about and seek forgiveness.  The moment you do, your heart will be lift and your soul will begin to fill joy again.

Why would you want that grey cloud of unhappiness hanging around your head?

Day 6 of Lent: Run to the Light!

It's day 6 of Lent and I've been considering how I've been traveling on this crazy journey so far an sometimes I feel really lost. I know this was going to be an interesting task to take on but, I have always known God was in control. Despite it all, I have been thinking the perfect reflection for today.

As I was preparing my devotional for tonight's FCA, I did hit a few snags in the road.  I didn't expect the turnovers, interceptions, or curve balls that were given to me.  Yes, I panicked and didn't know what to do.  I was labeled a few terms that I've never been labeled before.  Yet, I knew God would help me to keep my head strong.

God's timing may not always seem the best for us but, we have to understand he does things when he believes we need it.  Sometimes we are complete messes or disasters because of our pasts or what might be in our closets, well, I just want to tell you that it's ok to have pasts and skeletons but, they don't have to haunt you.  You have to be able to allow yourself to understand "yes, I have a past and skeletons but, they don't control me and they don't define me. Eventually this will work out and it's going to be a brand new day."

It might be a long process to see this through but, it is possible to let it all go.  Letting go might be scary but, it's something amazing and beautiful.  God is there with you and will stay with you to see you through.  He'll be your rock, refuge, and salvation.  BUT there's one issue.

If we refuse to deal with the past and let it become an internalization process, it'll be something that will cause anger, blackening, and tell people you don't want to get to me.  This could be an issue and cause more heart and harm than you might think.

Kids, take it from someone who's been there and seen the ugly side of life where it's pretty dark and cold.  It's like you're walking in a sea of the lost searching for something and you just can't find it.  You really say and do things that really cause guilt and dismay.

Maybe that's you.  You're dealing with some of the darkness in your life and you don't know what do but, that's ok.  It's not a crime.  You just have to be willing to submit yourself to the brighter side of life.

It may sound crazy that you can go from dark to light but, it's possible.  People don't give me the benefit of the doubt with what I've seen, done, and experienced in almost 25 years.  I'll admit I'm not proud of things but, through the help and love of so many, I have been able to stop walking down the broken road alone to walk it with some amazing people.  The scariest thing for me now which, I find more scary than anything else is realizing that my past can no longer define me and harm me, it can only help me get to the next step in life.

So here's my tip of the day: STOP RUNNING FROM YOUR PAST!! START RUNNING TO THE LIGHT!!

Days 3-5 of Lent: Trust in the Lord when You're in a Hot Mess

I know it may seem I should blog every day and yes, I should since it's been my challenge and Lent commitment to do so. However, I am a firm believer God wanted me to experience a few things in life to help set me up and prepare my heart to right a simple reflection for days 3-5 of Lent.  Maybe more so, it really hit home in listening to scripture last night and hearing about temptation and trusting in the Lord because he is our refuge and strength. 

Considering this thought, think back to all the times you've attempted to make right, do something with all the best of intentions, or listen to your heart, and what happens they turn out in to a complete disaster or what looked like a pretty painted picture is a smeared, messy canvas of the not so pretty colors.  Granted you might be confused as all get up and unsure of what to do, you probably replay the events in your head.  It may seem like you had all the right moves and motives but, to someone else not so much.  Next thing you know, it seems that you're in a tangled web of things and EVERYTHING has been blown over.  

So what do you do? 

TRUST IN THE LORD! Take that from someone who's having to learn that the hard way!  God will constantly protect you and guide you.  He'll watch over you and never forsake you. 

Another thing, DON'T LET YOUR GUARD DOWN!  If something doesn't feel right, talk to God about that feeling.  You  don't want to find yourself being so tempted that you're going to be making a deal with the Devil or let evil win.  

IF this does happen IT'S OK!  

We all make mistakes.  We are human however, you can't allow yourself to be driven up a wall with all the emotional aspects of things. God is always there to talk to.  I mean seriously we all get caught up in hot messes and yes, they may not be pretty but, in life unfortantly, miscommunication  mistrust, and a few other things happen to really make or break relationships. 

The best thing I have learned is this, you really don't want to dig yourself deeper into a whole and end up hurting yourself even more.  Take time out to talk to God and know he'll give you all the best tools to help you through it all. Don't lean on your own understandings of it all.  Mostly never give up on yourself or life. 

Always remember, life is just one hot mess so need to cry over hot coco! 

Day 2 of Lent: Love Never Fails

Today is St. Valentine's Day.  I don't know what all of you are thinking today but, I just know today was different than most years.  Granted it started at 4 am with a text msg from my best friend in Indiana followed by reading my daily devotional 1 Cor.  13:7- "Love never fails. Love never loose faith. Love is hopeful. It endures all circumstances."  After a talk with God and having my eyes opened up, I soon began to realize throughout today, that you can't walk out on people and you can run away from things.

As I started to understand the beauty of this verse I understood Love never really fails therefore, embrace it. Share love with the world around you.  Don't be ashamed of it.  Wait patiently for those who need it.  You have to have the understand that those who need you the most may push you away but, you have to just be there for them. 

So I hope today yall all embraced the beauty of love and know that you have to see love never fails!

Day 1 of Lent: It's time for Repetence and Change

I can't exactly tell you what's been going on in my crazy mind. I know that I've been talking with my adoptive mama at Church and my wonderful sister in Christ about a little situation I've found myself in. I've found myself challenged, baffled, and unsure of what God has had me going through.  For a moment in time, I had been uncertain of why a lot of this was happening, especially at the time of Lent.  As I tried to find myself coming out of a state of uncertainty and being prepared to walk away from something, I was shocked into a deep reality.

Before Mass tonight, I was reminded that God uses people to help each other and that through the Spirit we are capable of showing love and compassion towards one another.  Typically, those two qualities are something that is NOT normally shown. When they are, people can get scared and want to push you away.  However, we have to look deep down and see what we want to do about it. It then hit me, I wasn't ready to walk away and I needed to stop running.

Sitting in Mass tonight, Father Francis hit so much on the head.  He reminded us, the ball is in God's court NOT our court. Yet, we have to understand once we decide to follow Jesus, there is NO turning back, forward ever, backwards never. 

Lent is a time for change and repentance. This is a time for us to change our way of thinking, for us to be change, for use to do the cleansing of our hearts and soul.  We're suppose to go from not being loved to love and from hate to love.  However, if we want to be able to receive help, we must be worthy.

This is a time to let a new heart be created in me. We can be sinful and still be unworthy but, we can ask God to have mercy on us. Still we need to see to live in sin is to live a dirty life because only God can purify it all.  God can clean us of all those impurities we have.

So where does all the change in us begin? Our hearts/

This is the time to search you heart.  Find out what you've done. Put everything into perspective. Give it all to God.  The change we want to occur can only happen if want to be save and dwell with God. Only Sins are barriers to be a dweller with the spirit.

As humans, we are to show every sinner compassion, kindness, and love BUT we have to pray that they acknowledge the truth. The truth is we can't be living in sin.  We all must repent and believe in the Gospel. 

Here's a little news flash for ya:

TOMORROW WILL BE TO LATE TO CHANGE!!
TODAY IS THE TIME TO CHANGE!!

We should always live each day for him and keep it Holy.  We have to praise Him and glorify him. This is a time for prayer and almsgiving.

Deep down we have to tell our bodies, appetites, and desires that we are in control. God wants a change in all of us. He wants us to change from doing evil to good.Find out bad habits and change them.

Think about this to yourself:

Where am I?
Where do I want to be?
Where does God want me to be?

How are each of these 3 yeilding towards each other. They must have oneness with each other.

Take this time over the next 40 days to grow in your friendship with God. Understand we are only visitors here. Think of what we can do to better ourseleves.

Remember this:
Love yourself and Love your neighbor.


Craziest part of this whole msg is I really wish there was a friend of mind who could have heard it. I know they would have truly benefited from it.

Later this evening I learned that in your life you never really realized who influences you and who you inspire and influence.  It's so amazing how God works.

Many Blessings!

Matt 5:15-16

It's Not Over! Reflecting on 2013 Collegiate Championships!

Words cannot express what I'm feeling right now.  My time here in Liberty has been unexplained in words! Competing today against some of the most beautiful twirlers from across the country has allowed me to understand that when you do love something, your passion for it will show and God will allow me to make a difference.  However, I'm really unsure what difference I can be making.

Out on the competition floor, even pulling of 3 no drop routines, thanks to God's amazing grace, for some time I had forgotten I was 24 years old (the oldest competitor at the competition), dealing with my plantar fasciitis and my knee, my mom asking if I still had the bruise on my back from earlier in the week, or how I'm just now regaining my strength and skills. It was about working with God, glorifying him and remember why I started twirling 13 years ago!  By the end of the competition, I knew God had me compete for a reason.  Sometimes I wish everyone back home could have been able to embrace this experience with me.

Speaking of embracing things, when I was watching HPU take on TLU in Seguin I got a surprise from my parents. They drove from Stockdale to Seguin to come out and support guys. Another surprise, as I was watching the player who is my upcoming feature, at times I just wanted to keep telling him, don't give up, you're one fire, and I know that you LOVE the game. When the clock read about 4:38, the guys were in the huddle and he said, "Guys there's still 5 minutes on the clock. It's not over." All I could think in my mind and heart was, God you've really blessed this team with a great guy, even though I barely know the guy.  If only he could see how he's making a difference in so many lives.  Little does he realize, his words are really powerful!

Last night the priest tells us, "If you love something, it'll show, and you'll be able to make a difference."  I am not for sure what God had in store for me to learn for it but I took so much away.  I know those awesome words were used in my performance today!  Ironically, at the end of my last routine, another twirler's mom told me that seeing me perform gave her chills and knowing my story really made a difference. She closed by asking me where did I receive my inspiration and I said really through the holy spirit but, before I left on Thursday night, I heard someone say, "it's not over." She said she got chills.

Knowing that God had plan for me to be here and he knows I am what I've overcome, and God knows exactly what is suppose to happen. NOTHING is an accident!! I still can't believe how it felt competing today.  I thank so many people more than they know.

I know a part of me wants to tell me my story but, I do know that God has a plan.  I just can't wait to see what's in the cards next!

Love Can Make Something Happen: 1 Cor. 12:31-13:14

My dear friends,

I know it's been a LONG time since I've last written but, tonight during Mass, my heart continued to be ignited from FCA Leadership camp when I heard the msg at St. James' Catholic Church here in Liberty, MO. I wanted to burst in to tears of joy and shout for a top of a mountiain!  What's crazy is I normally look ahead for the Sunday readings but, this time, I didn't.  Little did I realize that the reading would be MY favorite reading in the whole Bible.  Before walking into that church, all I could think about was competition tomorrow and how I hoped God had the opportunity to allow me to speak to a man who's inspired me and I've just wanted to talk to for about a week now and tell him what's been on my  heart in regards to confidence, compassion, and life. NOT your typical oh I have feelings for you talk. Just something that I've long to say on my heart, I guess because of God's effect on me!

After hearing this reading, listening to the Father's msg, I knew it was God's plan for me all along to be here in Liberty and to see so much. It's funny because I'm here for my sport which.  I love more than anything asides from God, school, and my family. Baton twirling is my passion, and anyone who knows me will see that it does show.  Yet, if you know me, you understand God has created me with compassion and understanding.  It started to make since when he began speaking how Love is a gift.  It's a gift that cannot be bought or sold.

Love is a gift unlike any other gift we are blessed with. It can challenge in ways not like any other.  It'll gives us the opportunities we may not have to connect with people, to show grace, to show that we care, to speak the truth but, with an honest tone, and to be changed (for the good.)  It gives us the ability to allow our truest character to be shown and to know that real love, rejoices in other's accomplishments, it's patient, kind, understanding, and isn't envious.  It's something we are shown and we can learn from. Love can transform us and move is ways only the Spirit knows how.  At the exact time, the Spirit will move within in us and God will give us the ability to speak the words laying on our heart, make something happen, make a difference, connect deep with in us, and does what God needs us to do.

Funniest part about this though is, we may not know someone but, God knows what his plan is. Before we were born, he loved us and knew the great things we would do.  Through the gift of love, our faith can be shown, and so can our hearts.  Love is a gift that gives us the ability to care about someone without even knowing them.

For further understanding, read my favorite verse!

Brothers and sisters:
Strive eagerly for the greatest spiritual gifts.
But I shall show you a still more excellent way.

If I speak in human and angelic tongues,
but do not have love,
I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.
And if I have the gift of prophecy,
and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge;
if I have all faith so as to move mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.
If I give away everything I own,
and if I hand my body over so that I may boast,
but do not have love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It is not jealous, it is not pompous,
It is not inflated, it is not rude,
it does not seek its own interests,
it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing
but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.
If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing;
if tongues, they will cease;
if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.
For we know partially and we prophesy partially,
but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.
When I was a child, I used to talk as a child,
think as a child, reason as a child;
when I became a man, I put aside childish things.
At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror,
but then face to face.
At present I know partially;
then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
So faith, hope, love remain, these three;
but the greatest of these is love.