Afraid to Face Him

She admires his works and gifts from a far
She knows he has been blessed with a natural ability
She could see him and his work going very far
Secretly how could she tell him
"If I ever needed anything done, personally, I would love to use you"

Some may argue with her
Call her logic a bunch of nonsense
But in her mind
She believes she'll never feel worth
Of his talents, work, and worth
Granted she would love to be captivated
By anyone's work
Letting her beauty, grace, and poise shine
Yet she feels she's nothing like his other muses
However she couldn't ever tell him
She could just go on wishing and dreaming

She know this is the man she can confide in
The man who knows about her ghosts
The man she can blow up on
Yet herself with
She's heard his story
And seen him be himself as well
This wasn't abnormal for friends
He wasn't a man she was afraid of
This was a man she trusted
And realized God had placed in her life for a reason
Still there was some hesitation

Even if she deep down
Knew how beautiful God had created her
The beauty she saw everytime
She recognized her reflection
Or saw a photograph of herself
It made her smile & thank God
Yet the though of ever
Feeling or believing she'd be just as good
As his previous muses had

You know something funny
She is just a small town girl
With really no sense of fashion
Can't really get herself all dolled up
Without the help of another
Yet deep down loves getting all dolled up
Being able to soak up the moment
Letting the camera capture it all
I guess you could say
She's like every other girl

For some reason this man
Baffles her in so many ways
As much as she would work for him
She couldn't because of her own fears
She may be confident
She maybe able to handle doing thigns independently
Seh's faced many things and won or overcame
But to face him
Would be like shattering the lens

I'd go through this again

I may have called the day
Getting all dolled up
Thanks to someone blessed
With beautification talents
To pay a visit to the dark eyed stranger
Stupid, a waste of time, ridculious
But yet in my heart
I wouldn't have changed things

I knew it was God's plan
And I'd like to thank the woman
Who helped me get out of
My typical comfort zone
For once I actually let someone
Take control, pick my wardobe
And help me get all dolled up

I had no objection deep down
On the outside I showed
I was freaking out
This was all new to me
Never before had I done this
Nor had I really cared

If you ask me
I'd go through this again in a heartbeat
To allow someone to help me enhance God's beauty
To fell a little extra
On top of the world
Letting a hidden side of me shine
To feel like a shining star
All thanks to the kindness of a friend

Checking You're Baggage: Day 2 of FCA leadership Camp

It’s the first full day of camp, and I can completely feel that change is happening.  I’m not for sure why any of the events prior to camp happen but, I’m really glad that they did.  A part of me laughs so hard how I really like this one guy for about 4 months, only to discover, after I believed that I somewhat made a little fool out of myself in attempt to make an impression on him thinking that Papa God had chosen him for me, he had a girlfriend.  Did I cry? On the inside I did but, on the outside now.  All I could say was, I should have expected it.  Yes, I had done my research however; I should have known it was logically typical.  9 out of 10 times, majority of the males I have liked or crushed on have ended up in a relationship, with a child, married, or of homosexual orientation. As one person has quoted it, “You’re not a good luck Chuck, you’re a Good Luck Jennifer.”  Now, I’ll admit I was silent and speechless.  I wanted to beat a wall because after being distraught over the last male, I should have prepared myself better for this not to play out the way I had hoped. Nevertheless, in away the timing of it to fail couldn’t have been perfect.

Coming to FCA Leadership Camp training and being told to check the baggage at the door, was an AMAZING phrase because, that is what I did.  All the little pettiness I had prior to camp training I didn’t want anymore.  Who needed it?  This opportunity to be a huddle leader for leadership camp was a dream come true. 

So let’s fast forward!  Fast forward to a day after 2 huddle meetings, 1 chapel meeting, and competition.  I’ve been blessed with an amazing group of young ladies who are teaching me more than they know.  I’m being taught how to open up more and to understand that after to surrendering to God after last year’s weekend of champions, he’s in control and has an amazing plan for me.

 I know that this is short but, I’m totally in the zone right now, and feeling the Holy spirit guiding me!  Now off to relax, enjoy the rest of free time and the rest of Day 2!  Viva Las Rojas!!