Yes fairy god-sister, Jenn does have an ideal perfect man

The other evening, as I was conversing with my sister in Christ, also know as my fairy god-sister, had asked me even though I was tackling my research and twirling, I had to think of the ideal man and what qualities I wanted in him. A part of me couldn't believe that she had asked me that. I mean for the longest time, I've always known the qualities I've wanted in my future husband. In 2006, I even wrote down on paper the qualities of a man, the probably didn't even exist. I began explaining to her, I've always dreamed of a man who had blonde hair, blue eyes, tall, a great physique, a great smile that could light up the room, probably a owner of a truck, and a good ol' Texas man. He had to have a good heart and soul and deeply in love with the Lord. That was the most important quality of all. He had to be non-judgemental, caring, sweet, kind, respectable, possibly a prankster at times, but, at the end of the day understanding, supportive, and a cheerleader. He'd have to be a man of patience and intellegence. I mean I've always dreamed of ending up with a man entering into the field of science, health, or law. He'll have to be able to put up with my Daddy's 21 questions, my crazy family who's very supportive but,taught me some great reciepes in the kitchen, the fact that I love sports but, then again love movies, music, musicals, and culture. Mostly, that I'm a down to earth Southern girl who's respectable and values life and education. However, I told her, none of that really matter. What did I know. I have no experience. I've never been in a relationship, nor have I 've been kissed. For all I know, I'd be that 25 year old teacher/minister who's never been kissed. Seriously, when was God going to find a man who I could be my best friend and future husband and be my human prince charming to share that special moment with. Granted she laughed at me a little and told me that I shouldn't be so picky but, she was surprised I had him all dreamed up. She also told me I shouldn't be so closed minded and that I should be willing to seize opportunities or an opportunity before it was too late. I joke and still think of what I told her, who in this world would want to be with someone who is dedicated to her work and the Lord, serving him every day and using her gifts to the best of her abilities, glorifing him. I don't need a man who is like a little boy. I need a man to know that I'm going to support him and be there for him, with the same respect. Oh yes, he'll have to be a Dr Pepper man too. I mean an ideal date would be to one of the Dr Pepper muesumes or sitting on the back of his tailgate sharing a converstation drinking Dr Pepper underneath the Texas sky. At the end of the night's converstation, I told her it was all of God's plan. Regardless of my "perfect man" that a part of me want's to still hope that the perfect man does exist yet, these qualities are still hard to believe. I just hope one day there will be a man I can just feel I can be myself with and I know when I'm with him, looking in his eyes, that it's all part of God's plan, and I can see the man I'm suppose to spend the rest of my life with. I'm home, free, and out of harms way.

The Changes of me

I know here lately I've been posting songs, granted my life could be a song I suppose but, I don't evne know how many verses it'd be or how the chorus might even sound. I know even when I'm knee deep in research, reading about athletes, reading the responses of my data, and all, my faith never leaves me. I t couldn't be more thankful for this opportunity. For those of you who don't know, at the start of the month, I may not have had the opportunity. However, God had a plan that I didn't even know about. God surely know's the destiny for us all. As I sat reading Shawn Johnson's bio today for my 1st of 3 research papers, I started reading about her struggles, her bonding with her parents, her growing in her faith, and her connection with her coach, I begin thinking about my life and what I've overcome. I first started thinking of how God is so amazing. He gives you opportunities and second chances when you are willing to be his servant, being humble, willing to face humility, and answer his call. My life began to change this past summer when I was given permission to work with an amazing coach who helped me to overcome the past. I had have had so many ghost in my closet that it's not always shared with the world. On the day that I thought my life was over, when I was willing to face 2 people who believe in my education, she came out and told me the most amazing words. "You're a beautiful creation and daughter of God. You're time isn't done. There's still much for you to do on this earth." After 2 hours of talking on what seemed to be the most devastating day of my life, it made me realize, change needed to come. God needed me to open my life. Even though things weren't going to be the same, I really hadn't lost anything. In 2010, he could have taken my life but, he didn't. He gave me life. In 2011 he blest me with a new Coach who help me achieve one of my dreams on my bucket list in my sport. In 2012, he now lead me to add a another coach, a woman of God, who yes when it's time pushes me and drives me, but when needed is a mentor and friend. She showed that when I was at my lowest point that it was the world telling me I wasn't good enough. Yet, after that converstation, she help me see that, regradless of my past and my medical conditions, I truly was a beautiful gift, like of us on earth, and he didn't take me I wanted him to. Mostly, I believe it set the tone for me. I was shown tough love. Tough love that was needed. Tough love that I didn't want to see but had to see. Since that day, my life has changed. God has presented the world in a new light to me. He has shown me that this change was long over do and I needed to realize humliation and humbleness needed to occur. I am accepting responsibilties for my actions. I am holding myself accountable for my actions. I'm driven and becoming more balanced. Yes, I may be knee deep in research but, I still take the time to thank God for my amazing family for their love and support. My parents have become so understanding in me not coming home every weekend or getting to see me as much as last year. Our relationship has continued to grow after a few set backs this Summer but, God truly is showing us that our love is never failing. I'm not for sure what's going to happen but, God he surely is in control. My family here at HPU is not always understanding of why certain decisions have been made but, they are supportive of my dedication to my support on a competitive level and my research/education. Regardless of what's next, I can't wait to see where God's leading me. Each day is a new adventure that I'm working harder each day. Striving to live to the fullest but, still walking with a smile on my face and full of confidence. I am blessed!

A J. Ko Song: A Little Prayer of Help

Here's a little song I wrote while watching a movie that I had in my for several days... Papa I wonder if you can here This prayer I'm praying to you, Right here, Right now I feel I need you more than ever I don't want to walk ON that curvey unmarked road Leading me straight to temptation's door I justwant to serve you Answer your call Use my gifts for your glory And finish my education

 Chorus Lord Here I am Falling on my knees Right at your feet With my healing heart And spirit filled soul I am yours and I am changing I love you more everyday Yes I'm afraid But, I'm walking by my faith So can't you hear my plee See I need you now and forever And know I am yours


 Everyday I walk the streets People wave hello or flash a smile I get a door held open for me Someone stops me across the hall Bittersweet converstations shared This may sound crazy but Is this part of the plan or temptation Oh help me So....


 Chorus None of this makes sense to me I know I am alive and blessed It's all because of you You've created me in your likeness and image You've made me beautiful and strong I am so ever thankful Yet sometimes I'll admit My emotions can get mind to play tricks on me Yeah


 Chorus x2 Help me Lord.. Please help Amen

Song Out of No Where

When do you know you're completely inspired To start singing a new song A song that just comes out of no where That stays in your head all day long And all you want to do Is write it down on before I forget it A song that you want the world to memorize Because it's so sounds so sweet and lovely

 (Chorus) I got this song in my burning in my soul It's a song that meant for the world to hear It's a song from the Heavens above It's a gift from God himself It's a song that causes me to have my heart stop To get my stomach in knots and me to go completely speechless It's a song that I want to keep on singing always down the path I'm walking down

 I can't tell you if the song about love or life If it's a song about joy or new beginnings If it's a song of healing hearts or rekindling a fiery heart Or a song of a fiery spirit that is completely changed All I know is that it's a song I want to share with the world And all the world be able to sing it from the highest mountain

 Chorus

 I don't know if I should be telling you thank you For getting me all fired up Because this inspiration came out of no where But ever since you've come into my life This song's been able to come to life Now it's one of joy and hope A song of renewal and faith A song worth singing everywhere So let's start singing together

 Chorus X 2

Facing Change

You know there comes a time in place when we a person has to open her eyes to see the reality of the situation. Even when we can't see and all we have is our faith. There is that great ability that God takes control of our lives and for once we're surrendering all to him. Being back here at a place I call my second home, has been a change for me in a way. Things are different for me this year and at first, I had a huge struggle on how I was going to deal with a few changes in my life but, when I realize God was in control and leading me on the right path, I had no reason to hide. Yes, I knew coming back was going to be a little hard to face reality but, I couldn't complain. I so learned that I could stand up and speak the truth and just smile. It appeared all this weight had been lifted off of me. Who knew what God was doing in my life. He completely was moving mountains for sure. Speaking of moving mountains, after a crazy 4 hours on the road the day before the Fall semester, I thought of something. This year I had this great idea pop into my head. "How great would it be to just focus on school and what you had planned for me and totally forget about finding the right man or liking someone." I want to do things right this year. I want to focus on school and make it through. I don't know where we're going but, I know that I've overcome so much. I'm back in the game and my head is on straight and strong!