Learning the beauty of value

So it is said, turning certain ages can appear to be a milestone or something to not be afraid of.  In a week and a day from today, I will be turning 25. A part of me is absolutely scared of reaching the "silver" age or becoming a quarter of a century old. For the past few weeks I've been discussing with my friends about turning 25. 

I know y'all probably thing it's a great thing and I shouldn't be afraid of turning 25. Yet, I can tell y'all there is a HUGE part of me that is shaking in my boots.  I know deep down my life isn't as I expected it or predicted to be 5 years ago or 10 years ago.

I remember in high school, dreaming of being 25 working on my JD, not having debt, and not having people saying "well you've been single this long you might as well become a nun." I thought by now I would have been able to experience relationships and already have 2 degrees under my belt.  BUT God surely has had another plan for me.

I thought I'd be the girl who might be able to have had the ability to exceed the odds. Change the time and not let the world view things from the one sided picture it often can be seen as.  More importantly, making a difference and somewhere along the way maybe allowing God to send that "knight" in shining armor.  Never did I expect to have traveled the world (so to speak) and have had the opportunity to meet the people I have been able to.

Still sitting and conversing yesterday with a friend of mind who works for a type of dating service, like Millionaire Matchmaker, in Dallas for over 3 hours, she said something to me which caused me to pause.  "Jenn in about a month, you're boarding a plane to fly half way around the world wouldn't it be nice to have someone there with your parents to see you off and someone to come home to?" 

For about 2 hours I probably gave her every excuse in the world and in the end I had realized here was someone and a few others who called me "perfect" and "extremely extraordinary," and that maybe I shouldn't stress so much about the worries in life.  Needless to say after catching her up on how I learned falling for someone whom seemed perfect but, in the end we're better off as friends and now actually going almost 5  months in this new year no trying to worry about relationships.

So I'm the oldest of my friends and I use to joke "Never Been Kissed" is so my movie but, you something I learned a lot about myself last night and I think that's the most important in the world.  Maybe I have to learn more about myself- to be more mysterious, to not wear my heart on my sleeve, not be so honest.  The girls jokingly told me, I need to learn not to be so honest & be patient.  I also learned the meaning of value. 

In life we can't devalue a person. We have to be able to find compromise yes but, at the same time, we have to be valued by another person just as we value the same. This is something I'm guilty of not understanding or realizing at lot. I do love people and always want the best for people. 

Still, there comes a time we have to see you can spend weeks talking several hours with another person, enjoying every moment of talking for hours and not even realize it until it's time to call it a night. At the same time, you can allow your mask to slowly come off, begin to just be you, extent your heart, and just be you.  The moment when you realize that the compromise or value isn't shared, it's time to remove yourself from it all and see where God's leading you next. 

I can't believe A week in a day I'll be 25 and 2 months and a day I'll be on a plane heading to study at a university I only dreamed about half way around the world being 15 hours ahead of home. 

Until next blog...........

I'm taking off my superhero cape and mask!

So the past couple weeks have been a mad house around here!  I don't even know where to begin but, it's been one full of adventures and blessings!  However, there's one things that I've realized is it's about time for the mask and cape to come off.

For so long I've been living a life with the idea that I'm suppose to be the girl who is saving the world some how.  Everyone comes to me and asks me to help save them. I don't have a problem with it yet, at times, I don't feel I can fully help them because I'm not equipped with the knowledge and skills to help them properly.

Then let's consider my life.  There are just a few things in my life I'm yet to experience.  Sometimes I don't believe I'm able to help fully because all I know is what I've studied, what I've seen, and what I've read.  Often, that isn't enough.

I'm done lying to the world that I'm this superhuman of a 24, going on 25 that has human desires who wishes she could experience things in life like other girls my age!  I know everyone things I'm a perfect example and someone that's so perfect to look up to at times however; I'm still human at times too!! I'm not perfect!

I use to joke for the longest time, I was going to be the one of my friends who was "25 and Never Been Kissed." Folks, well it's safe to say that's going to be me.  A part of me is just going to have to accept it and it that maybe God's doesn't have a plan for me to have that experience yet.

Yes, I still believe in fairytales!  I do believe in Prince Charming!  I do believe in happily ever after!!

Please DON'T judge me!! Get to know my  heart!! Just know something, please don't lie to me or don't let me be the last to know!!