It may appear that at the end of a semester and my heart has changed! Granted it was a time for change and growing up still, it was something that I'll never forget. Much to the world's surprise this was the first semester that I actually stuck to my words and stood by my Lenten promise! Girls may call me crazy but, actually not having my heart on my sleeve for once and not having my heart completely broken by someone who, needless to say didn't return the same feelings, was a miracle.
I mean come on girls and some guys, you might agree with me on this theory: Often we find ourselves falling for people we shouldn't, for several reasons we, and discovering in the end, we are rejected or not thought about in the same way. At times, we fall a part and wonder why we weren't liked in return. Eventually it takes time for a crushed heart to heal and trying to ask God to help us through this moment!
For some crazy reasoning, I thank God this semester I ACTUALLY didn't experience that. No one had to hear about me ranting and raving about someone not liking me or trying to figure out what is "wrong" with me. Still, I can relate to those who have wondering why a heart breaks when someone walks out of your life or when a friendship or two falls apart.
The hardest "heartache" if you want to call it, was dealing with losing a friendship. To be called crazy, complicated, and obsessed were the hardest words I heard from a friend regarding something I had done. Granted, I would have LOVED to be able to confront the friend that called me those words and explain my side of the story, still God didn't give me that opportunity for some odd reason. In the end he gave me a gift, in a way.
As humans we are built to love one another, even our own enemies. Sometimes, being a Christian and full of love can be misinterpreted. Many people often feel they don't deserve just generally being cared about or someone actually just showing them genuine friendly love and not expecting nothing in return. No matter how hard I tried, it appeared me trying to explain what was going on and how I have been raised, WAS NOT possible. Yet, God has had his hands in this all along.
After learning about patience, let brokenness get taped back together and allowing wounds to heal, my faith in the God grew stronger and things turned out the way he planned them. At my weakest points, I may have fallen off the edge and hoped I'd find an explanation on my own way, God showed me in time, things can work themselves out, even if that means people have to exit the stage of your performance in life, he has a plan!
The most interesting part of the semester is I learned about compromise! There are times when I learned I can't always talk about what I want or love in life but, I just have to sit back and listen. Also I learned about compromising schedules! I will admit, though I had my hours of sleep cut, I wouldn't change it. Those 2 months I wouldn't change for the world.
Lastly, this semester I learned to own up who I am. Yes I'm one complicated, crazy, hot mess! So what if the world isn't fully ready for me, eventually they will!! I mean funny how one of my friends tells me that my ideal guy is probably in Idaho!
Still reflecting on the past several months, I'd like to go back and fix a few things but, unfortunately, God has his reasons why I can't! Nevertheless, those who are in my life and I'm close with, they are all angels and heroes in my life and I'm so blessed!
It'll be hard being away from them for 2 months but, I know God will help me through it! I can't wait to see the journey ahead of me!!
Till next time...
Cheers!
Monday, May 13, 2013
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Learning the beauty of value
So it is said, turning certain ages can appear to be a milestone or something to not be afraid of. In a week and a day from today, I will be turning 25. A part of me is absolutely scared of reaching the "silver" age or becoming a quarter of a century old. For the past few weeks I've been discussing with my friends about turning 25.
I know y'all probably thing it's a great thing and I shouldn't be afraid of turning 25. Yet, I can tell y'all there is a HUGE part of me that is shaking in my boots. I know deep down my life isn't as I expected it or predicted to be 5 years ago or 10 years ago.
I remember in high school, dreaming of being 25 working on my JD, not having debt, and not having people saying "well you've been single this long you might as well become a nun." I thought by now I would have been able to experience relationships and already have 2 degrees under my belt. BUT God surely has had another plan for me.
I thought I'd be the girl who might be able to have had the ability to exceed the odds. Change the time and not let the world view things from the one sided picture it often can be seen as. More importantly, making a difference and somewhere along the way maybe allowing God to send that "knight" in shining armor. Never did I expect to have traveled the world (so to speak) and have had the opportunity to meet the people I have been able to.
Still sitting and conversing yesterday with a friend of mind who works for a type of dating service, like Millionaire Matchmaker, in Dallas for over 3 hours, she said something to me which caused me to pause. "Jenn in about a month, you're boarding a plane to fly half way around the world wouldn't it be nice to have someone there with your parents to see you off and someone to come home to?"
For about 2 hours I probably gave her every excuse in the world and in the end I had realized here was someone and a few others who called me "perfect" and "extremely extraordinary," and that maybe I shouldn't stress so much about the worries in life. Needless to say after catching her up on how I learned falling for someone whom seemed perfect but, in the end we're better off as friends and now actually going almost 5 months in this new year no trying to worry about relationships.
So I'm the oldest of my friends and I use to joke "Never Been Kissed" is so my movie but, you something I learned a lot about myself last night and I think that's the most important in the world. Maybe I have to learn more about myself- to be more mysterious, to not wear my heart on my sleeve, not be so honest. The girls jokingly told me, I need to learn not to be so honest & be patient. I also learned the meaning of value.
In life we can't devalue a person. We have to be able to find compromise yes but, at the same time, we have to be valued by another person just as we value the same. This is something I'm guilty of not understanding or realizing at lot. I do love people and always want the best for people.
Still, there comes a time we have to see you can spend weeks talking several hours with another person, enjoying every moment of talking for hours and not even realize it until it's time to call it a night. At the same time, you can allow your mask to slowly come off, begin to just be you, extent your heart, and just be you. The moment when you realize that the compromise or value isn't shared, it's time to remove yourself from it all and see where God's leading you next.
I can't believe A week in a day I'll be 25 and 2 months and a day I'll be on a plane heading to study at a university I only dreamed about half way around the world being 15 hours ahead of home.
Until next blog...........
I know y'all probably thing it's a great thing and I shouldn't be afraid of turning 25. Yet, I can tell y'all there is a HUGE part of me that is shaking in my boots. I know deep down my life isn't as I expected it or predicted to be 5 years ago or 10 years ago.
I remember in high school, dreaming of being 25 working on my JD, not having debt, and not having people saying "well you've been single this long you might as well become a nun." I thought by now I would have been able to experience relationships and already have 2 degrees under my belt. BUT God surely has had another plan for me.
I thought I'd be the girl who might be able to have had the ability to exceed the odds. Change the time and not let the world view things from the one sided picture it often can be seen as. More importantly, making a difference and somewhere along the way maybe allowing God to send that "knight" in shining armor. Never did I expect to have traveled the world (so to speak) and have had the opportunity to meet the people I have been able to.
Still sitting and conversing yesterday with a friend of mind who works for a type of dating service, like Millionaire Matchmaker, in Dallas for over 3 hours, she said something to me which caused me to pause. "Jenn in about a month, you're boarding a plane to fly half way around the world wouldn't it be nice to have someone there with your parents to see you off and someone to come home to?"
For about 2 hours I probably gave her every excuse in the world and in the end I had realized here was someone and a few others who called me "perfect" and "extremely extraordinary," and that maybe I shouldn't stress so much about the worries in life. Needless to say after catching her up on how I learned falling for someone whom seemed perfect but, in the end we're better off as friends and now actually going almost 5 months in this new year no trying to worry about relationships.
So I'm the oldest of my friends and I use to joke "Never Been Kissed" is so my movie but, you something I learned a lot about myself last night and I think that's the most important in the world. Maybe I have to learn more about myself- to be more mysterious, to not wear my heart on my sleeve, not be so honest. The girls jokingly told me, I need to learn not to be so honest & be patient. I also learned the meaning of value.
In life we can't devalue a person. We have to be able to find compromise yes but, at the same time, we have to be valued by another person just as we value the same. This is something I'm guilty of not understanding or realizing at lot. I do love people and always want the best for people.
Still, there comes a time we have to see you can spend weeks talking several hours with another person, enjoying every moment of talking for hours and not even realize it until it's time to call it a night. At the same time, you can allow your mask to slowly come off, begin to just be you, extent your heart, and just be you. The moment when you realize that the compromise or value isn't shared, it's time to remove yourself from it all and see where God's leading you next.
I can't believe A week in a day I'll be 25 and 2 months and a day I'll be on a plane heading to study at a university I only dreamed about half way around the world being 15 hours ahead of home.
Until next blog...........
Sunday, April 14, 2013
I'm taking off my superhero cape and mask!
So the past couple weeks have been a mad house around here! I don't even know where to begin but, it's been one full of adventures and blessings! However, there's one things that I've realized is it's about time for the mask and cape to come off.
For so long I've been living a life with the idea that I'm suppose to be the girl who is saving the world some how. Everyone comes to me and asks me to help save them. I don't have a problem with it yet, at times, I don't feel I can fully help them because I'm not equipped with the knowledge and skills to help them properly.
Then let's consider my life. There are just a few things in my life I'm yet to experience. Sometimes I don't believe I'm able to help fully because all I know is what I've studied, what I've seen, and what I've read. Often, that isn't enough.
I'm done lying to the world that I'm this superhuman of a 24, going on 25 that has human desires who wishes she could experience things in life like other girls my age! I know everyone things I'm a perfect example and someone that's so perfect to look up to at times however; I'm still human at times too!! I'm not perfect!
I use to joke for the longest time, I was going to be the one of my friends who was "25 and Never Been Kissed." Folks, well it's safe to say that's going to be me. A part of me is just going to have to accept it and it that maybe God's doesn't have a plan for me to have that experience yet.
Yes, I still believe in fairytales! I do believe in Prince Charming! I do believe in happily ever after!!
Please DON'T judge me!! Get to know my heart!! Just know something, please don't lie to me or don't let me be the last to know!!
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Week 5 through Holy Saturday of Lent
As these last week of Lent comes to an end and Easter comes upon us, we get to see the amazing wonders of Christ our King rising from the Grave! I can't believe how these past few weeks have been and what a journey it has been. I am so blessed that I have been able to share so many thoughts with y'all and have been able to see the changes, for the better, and the awesomeness of God as I've been traveling down my crazy broken road of life.
For those of you have heard, my Lenten sacrifice was trying to get a relationship with a male, develop a crush on a male, or fall for another man; just simply focus on my relationship with Christ. Yes, when I first stated this to my those around me, people laughed at me and said I couldn't do this. My favorite line I received was, "Every season it's like you have a new crush, there's NO way you're going to make it through this!" HOWEVER, God surely has had his hand in this.
It has been hard being patient at times and steering away from my emotional feels. It has been an emotional battle to follow the path of Christ and to be a Daughter who is opening my heart and trusting him with all my might. Yes, there has been times when I wanted to just crack and break like an egg but, I knew in my heart God has had a plan for me and nothing is an accident.
So how do you suggest I have been able to stay on my feet through this process?
I have an amazing support system and believe my love for the Lord has shined like no other. I have learned so much about myself and tried to regain focus. As much as I've wanted to snap many times, I had to maintain my cool. Often during the past 5 weeks, I have wanted to give up or bury myself in my work, I have learned to rely on my faith. More importantly, even as people have walked out of my life, people have walked in, and new doors have opened.
I am not sure if this sounds nuts or not, I am anxious to see if I'll be able to keep promise while I continue my schooling, studies in the word, and my athletic career. I've already had to decided what is more important to me. Who knows what will happen next.
I wish all of you a Happy Easter!
Remember he has reason and he's paid it!
For those of you have heard, my Lenten sacrifice was trying to get a relationship with a male, develop a crush on a male, or fall for another man; just simply focus on my relationship with Christ. Yes, when I first stated this to my those around me, people laughed at me and said I couldn't do this. My favorite line I received was, "Every season it's like you have a new crush, there's NO way you're going to make it through this!" HOWEVER, God surely has had his hand in this.
It has been hard being patient at times and steering away from my emotional feels. It has been an emotional battle to follow the path of Christ and to be a Daughter who is opening my heart and trusting him with all my might. Yes, there has been times when I wanted to just crack and break like an egg but, I knew in my heart God has had a plan for me and nothing is an accident.
So how do you suggest I have been able to stay on my feet through this process?
I have an amazing support system and believe my love for the Lord has shined like no other. I have learned so much about myself and tried to regain focus. As much as I've wanted to snap many times, I had to maintain my cool. Often during the past 5 weeks, I have wanted to give up or bury myself in my work, I have learned to rely on my faith. More importantly, even as people have walked out of my life, people have walked in, and new doors have opened.
I am not sure if this sounds nuts or not, I am anxious to see if I'll be able to keep promise while I continue my schooling, studies in the word, and my athletic career. I've already had to decided what is more important to me. Who knows what will happen next.
I wish all of you a Happy Easter!
Remember he has reason and he's paid it!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Weeks 3-4 of Lent: Do I Know You?
So I know I haven't written in over 2 weeks and a lot has been going on too! This is a time for reflection and change. Lent holds such a deeper meaning to me than so many people would ever imagine. We are literally at the half way marker and then some! I never thought I could have made it through my Lenten promise and focus on my goals and praying for change during this time of year.
I've realized in these past 2 weeks as I consider this last week of Lent the idea I want to convey to the world in this blog is, Jesus and God know who we but, do we know who we are? Constantly we are told to stay convicted in our virtues, morals, and values yet, often in life, we find ourselves wearing masks or fading away in the sand. Sometimes, we hide our true identity from the world or believe that our true selves should remained locked in a box. Mostly, through this process, we can find ourselves thinking, "Do we really know our friends and do they know us?"
I'm not sure if any of you have had to ask yourself that question or not but, I've found myself recently going through the thought process at time- "Do people really know who I am? I know who I am but, do they know who I?" or "This may sound silly but, I don't feel I really know my friend." Granted, there's been a few people that I've wanted to yell, "Sug I feel that I don't know who you are after all this time!!" Yet because I've been raised a lady and I respect people, I don't like that. Am I crazy?
In all relationships in life, the trust should be there as well as the truth. You should always be able to look at someone and be able to know who they are; know who you are. Maybe I am saying to much here but, I am standing on the ground of conviction.
Now if you feel you need to change for the better, than by all means, alright! Let's take off that ugly makes, peel off the layers, unlock the box, or open up the book. However, let there be no lies or deception. Don't let anyone be fooled or become stone cold. Let the heart become soft and full of light and love.
Just know it's never to late to make right and to discover who you. Always know, to thy oneself be true!
So I challenge you readers as we enter in this last week of Lent, are you going to open the box, take off your make, heal the wounds, and fix the brokeness, by being true and know?
I've realized in these past 2 weeks as I consider this last week of Lent the idea I want to convey to the world in this blog is, Jesus and God know who we but, do we know who we are? Constantly we are told to stay convicted in our virtues, morals, and values yet, often in life, we find ourselves wearing masks or fading away in the sand. Sometimes, we hide our true identity from the world or believe that our true selves should remained locked in a box. Mostly, through this process, we can find ourselves thinking, "Do we really know our friends and do they know us?"
I'm not sure if any of you have had to ask yourself that question or not but, I've found myself recently going through the thought process at time- "Do people really know who I am? I know who I am but, do they know who I?" or "This may sound silly but, I don't feel I really know my friend." Granted, there's been a few people that I've wanted to yell, "Sug I feel that I don't know who you are after all this time!!" Yet because I've been raised a lady and I respect people, I don't like that. Am I crazy?
In all relationships in life, the trust should be there as well as the truth. You should always be able to look at someone and be able to know who they are; know who you are. Maybe I am saying to much here but, I am standing on the ground of conviction.
Now if you feel you need to change for the better, than by all means, alright! Let's take off that ugly makes, peel off the layers, unlock the box, or open up the book. However, let there be no lies or deception. Don't let anyone be fooled or become stone cold. Let the heart become soft and full of light and love.
Just know it's never to late to make right and to discover who you. Always know, to thy oneself be true!
So I challenge you readers as we enter in this last week of Lent, are you going to open the box, take off your make, heal the wounds, and fix the brokeness, by being true and know?
Monday, March 4, 2013
Day 20 of Lent: Strangers
Today's blog for Lent came for a unique inspiration.
Last night in Father Francis' homily, he spoke of strangers coming into our life and eventually have some meaning into our life. Eventually, those who use to be in our life, become strangers. At first I didn't understand what my brother in Christ was trying to explain but, today as I sat at dinner it started to make sense to me. It's funny how I started to sit and think, where the girls I was sitting with strangers or a part of my life?
For can go through our life meeting people and they become strangers. We can go walking down the sidewalks, into stores, getting gas at the gas station, at theme park, and so many other places and just only slightly meeting a person with a look in the eyes. Neither party can have the idea of becoming friends of having meaning in either's life.
Also you know someone all your life. They are not a stranger. You feel like you can tell them your deepest secrets and you can build a bond with someone. However, as time progresses you discover that a person can slowly slip away and become a stranger thus, the relationship's meaning begins to fade.
As for you and the stranger, when the time is right, have a relationship of some sort starting to develop. The two of you begin to no longer become strangers and begin to actually mean something to each other. Eventually God will show you two what his plan for the two of you.
I think it's funny how we walk around this world, knowing each other for most of our lives and it seems like we know each other but, in reality we don't. We have to open our eyes and see that strangers come into our lives for a reason and sometimes people have to be removed from our lives.
I know none of this may make no sense but, just think of when the burning bush was talking to Moses. That didn't make sense either. However, just be patient and understand God has your back.
Last night in Father Francis' homily, he spoke of strangers coming into our life and eventually have some meaning into our life. Eventually, those who use to be in our life, become strangers. At first I didn't understand what my brother in Christ was trying to explain but, today as I sat at dinner it started to make sense to me. It's funny how I started to sit and think, where the girls I was sitting with strangers or a part of my life?
For can go through our life meeting people and they become strangers. We can go walking down the sidewalks, into stores, getting gas at the gas station, at theme park, and so many other places and just only slightly meeting a person with a look in the eyes. Neither party can have the idea of becoming friends of having meaning in either's life.
Also you know someone all your life. They are not a stranger. You feel like you can tell them your deepest secrets and you can build a bond with someone. However, as time progresses you discover that a person can slowly slip away and become a stranger thus, the relationship's meaning begins to fade.
As for you and the stranger, when the time is right, have a relationship of some sort starting to develop. The two of you begin to no longer become strangers and begin to actually mean something to each other. Eventually God will show you two what his plan for the two of you.
I think it's funny how we walk around this world, knowing each other for most of our lives and it seems like we know each other but, in reality we don't. We have to open our eyes and see that strangers come into our lives for a reason and sometimes people have to be removed from our lives.
I know none of this may make no sense but, just think of when the burning bush was talking to Moses. That didn't make sense either. However, just be patient and understand God has your back.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Days 17-19: Fix the brokenness
So I've been doing a lot of thinking about what I should be writing about for the past several days. Hence why you haven't heard from me in a few days. I thought about what Father Francis spoke about yesterday and healing broken relationships and forgiveness is possible. A part of me thought he was insane, given what I've been through over the past several weeks. However, I knew nothing was an accident.
It hit me today at work when an unexpected customer walked into the Zone. Truthfully, I never expected to speak to this customer again nor this customer to ever talk to me. Yet, for some odd reason, God had other plans at hand. By the end of working with this customer and speaking the customer, I knew God had something big planned and nothing was an accident. Maybe this was a part of God's plan and healing was possible, therefore it gave me the perfect ground laying for this blog.
I don't know where I am going or what's going to happen but, I do know one thing is for certain, forgiveness is possible and relationships can be healed. This is the time to work on any brokenness that needs to be fixing and rid the anger there is between those who have been hurt. If we continue going on hurting each other, blaming each other, and so much more things will just continue to be one huge mess. Why must you hold on to that aggravation for this long?
The world may try to say things. It may try to put images in our heads or convinces to think others wise. This is why it is more important to put our faith in the Lord and let him guide us.
Even if relationships aren't meant to last a lifetime, understand that God puts people in our lives to teach us something or help us on our way.
It hit me today at work when an unexpected customer walked into the Zone. Truthfully, I never expected to speak to this customer again nor this customer to ever talk to me. Yet, for some odd reason, God had other plans at hand. By the end of working with this customer and speaking the customer, I knew God had something big planned and nothing was an accident. Maybe this was a part of God's plan and healing was possible, therefore it gave me the perfect ground laying for this blog.
I don't know where I am going or what's going to happen but, I do know one thing is for certain, forgiveness is possible and relationships can be healed. This is the time to work on any brokenness that needs to be fixing and rid the anger there is between those who have been hurt. If we continue going on hurting each other, blaming each other, and so much more things will just continue to be one huge mess. Why must you hold on to that aggravation for this long?
The world may try to say things. It may try to put images in our heads or convinces to think others wise. This is why it is more important to put our faith in the Lord and let him guide us.
Even if relationships aren't meant to last a lifetime, understand that God puts people in our lives to teach us something or help us on our way.
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