Piled behind it all

Written 16 September 2014

There she sat.
Seeing her reflection in the rear view mirror.
Seeing a girl who has spent the past 8 years
Growing in her faith
Pulled into stacks of books
staring into a computer screen
Spending countless hours researching
Training until her body ached
Traveling the globe a time or two
Experiencing things she'll cherish forever
And learning from the not so great experiences.
Yet at the end of the day
There was a hole in her heart
And a pit in her stomach.
She ponder what was missing from the equation.
Was this all she was meant to know?
She was a big dreamer
From a small Texas town
Who wanted nothing more to succeed
And to have all of her wishes come true.
Silence emerged in the car.
She felt there was a barricade around her heart.
Deep down she was afraid to admit
She was just like any other female.
She longed for God to develop her faith and heart
Becoming fully prepared to accept
All he would give her.
She always prayed God would answer 1 prayer
Nightly she prayed for the one
The one he created just for her
The one who she could fulfill the
Call to the vocation of marriage and family
Constantly serving him and his people
Raising their children to be ambitious servants
Who would learn the beauty of all His gifts
The price His Son paid for us
The value of faith,  hope,  love and virtues
The meaning of serving & loving Him
Til it hurts.
The one whom could see the world
Take crazy adventures
And create priceless memories.
The one whom he choose
To bring out the best in her
And help her become a better
Bride of Christ.
He would be the one
To push her,  challenge her,
Support and encourage her
And the one she could
Return all the endless love her gives her.
She sighed. 
She's made lists of perfection.
Tried to find fault in herself
And her inexperienced self
As reasoning to push people away. 
She was one hot mess.
Who would ever believe her
About her wildest desire .
She was always in a hurry
Soaking up knowledge
Serving others
Falling more in love with
Her heavenly bridegroom daily.
Maybe she was attending her own masquerade.
Was she hopeless?
Could anyone her own ambitions
Keep her from seeing the possibilities
God places in front of her? 
She screams silently. 
She catches her breath
Only to see the sun setting
And her reflection fading
In the darkness.
Expecting God would give her
A sign with bright, flashing lights.
She knows the truth
Of her heart's desires.
Yes she loved her work
Her sport
The life God had given her.
Still,  her heart yearned
To be an educated
Bride of Christ, Christian athlete
Teacher, friend, servant
Wife, Mother, Daughter.
One day could this all be possible? 
Tears rolled down her face
As she crossed the state line.
Thinking how she's piled behind it all.