honesty letter

Wrote this during adoration on Friday. I thought about how Father Francis was talking about restoring relationships

Mate,
You  asked me to be honest about the football team and as much as I wanted to let it all out I had to resist.  I believe in certain situations something like this is better left unspoken.  Every one doesn't always need to hear it. I'm sure by now, you figured out what I was doing.  If it was just you and I, I could have been opened and told you what I am about to say. I just wish I could say it while looking into your stained glass eyes.

Thanks in advance for being so understanding.

When I first got here, I dreamed of nothing but football twirling, football games, and the little fantasy I would catch some dashing player's eyes and it'd be like in the movies or other stories I've been told by my twirling friends but, God saw other plans. Getting to compete at an international invitational competition in Spring 2012 and being named Sports Editor allowed me to see where 2 of my greatest passions were; performing and sports writing.  After finding out the decision we all made about competition only for the uni for my remaining time, I had to learn not to live in shame and disappoint people.

For a year I avoided games because of work, using the internet or radio to listen.  It even helped when you told me you didn't care if I was there or not.  As much as I wanted to be there to show my support for you mate and the team you gave me an easy way out of avoiding questions about my absence on the field.  Even though my heart was broken.

Through training for competition season, I thought how awesome it would be to perform at volleyball or basketball games but, God continue to allow me to see I could respect the programs playing by not performing.  While in Australia, those 2 months training and competing gave me a new perspective on life. Pick on my sport all ya want but, by being in the gym more, I concentrate on getting healthier, letting my body get stronger, and my technique improve to ready for 2017 international team trials in 2016. Nevertheless, I can just be me and hopefully you'll support me as I have always been supporting you.

I meant what I said the other night.  I love you guys and respect you.  My heart bleeds for the gold and blue. Every time I put on the colors, I know I am representing y'all. For once though, the spotlight is off of me.

MAYBE this all makes sense to you and you understand now. The last 2 seasons have been interesting!

I just have a few questions, since you asked me if I had any:

1. Why all of a sudden do you care if I'm not there?
2. Do you think it would make a difference if I was physically there?
3. Do you really want me there?
4. How do you even notice out of the sea of faces if I'm really there?
Cheers!

Me