It may appear that at the end of a semester and my heart has changed! Granted it was a time for change and growing up still, it was something that I'll never forget. Much to the world's surprise this was the first semester that I actually stuck to my words and stood by my Lenten promise! Girls may call me crazy but, actually not having my heart on my sleeve for once and not having my heart completely broken by someone who, needless to say didn't return the same feelings, was a miracle.
I mean come on girls and some guys, you might agree with me on this theory: Often we find ourselves falling for people we shouldn't, for several reasons we, and discovering in the end, we are rejected or not thought about in the same way. At times, we fall a part and wonder why we weren't liked in return. Eventually it takes time for a crushed heart to heal and trying to ask God to help us through this moment!
For some crazy reasoning, I thank God this semester I ACTUALLY didn't experience that. No one had to hear about me ranting and raving about someone not liking me or trying to figure out what is "wrong" with me. Still, I can relate to those who have wondering why a heart breaks when someone walks out of your life or when a friendship or two falls apart.
The hardest "heartache" if you want to call it, was dealing with losing a friendship. To be called crazy, complicated, and obsessed were the hardest words I heard from a friend regarding something I had done. Granted, I would have LOVED to be able to confront the friend that called me those words and explain my side of the story, still God didn't give me that opportunity for some odd reason. In the end he gave me a gift, in a way.
As humans we are built to love one another, even our own enemies. Sometimes, being a Christian and full of love can be misinterpreted. Many people often feel they don't deserve just generally being cared about or someone actually just showing them genuine friendly love and not expecting nothing in return. No matter how hard I tried, it appeared me trying to explain what was going on and how I have been raised, WAS NOT possible. Yet, God has had his hands in this all along.
After learning about patience, let brokenness get taped back together and allowing wounds to heal, my faith in the God grew stronger and things turned out the way he planned them. At my weakest points, I may have fallen off the edge and hoped I'd find an explanation on my own way, God showed me in time, things can work themselves out, even if that means people have to exit the stage of your performance in life, he has a plan!
The most interesting part of the semester is I learned about compromise! There are times when I learned I can't always talk about what I want or love in life but, I just have to sit back and listen. Also I learned about compromising schedules! I will admit, though I had my hours of sleep cut, I wouldn't change it. Those 2 months I wouldn't change for the world.
Lastly, this semester I learned to own up who I am. Yes I'm one complicated, crazy, hot mess! So what if the world isn't fully ready for me, eventually they will!! I mean funny how one of my friends tells me that my ideal guy is probably in Idaho!
Still reflecting on the past several months, I'd like to go back and fix a few things but, unfortunately, God has his reasons why I can't! Nevertheless, those who are in my life and I'm close with, they are all angels and heroes in my life and I'm so blessed!
It'll be hard being away from them for 2 months but, I know God will help me through it! I can't wait to see the journey ahead of me!!
Till next time...
Cheers!
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